The Grass is Always Greener...

...on the side that you water.

Pour some sugar on me....

Back on June 1st, Megan did the cutest thing: I was feeding her and started singing the chorus to the famous Def Leppard song. All of a sudden, she stopped eating, looked at me, and flashed the biggest smile I'd ever seen. Then she went back to eating, I went back to singing, and she did the same thing again. I love that she is interacting with us more. In that moment I knew my cup runneth over!... in the name of love!!!

Just keep Singing...just keep singing...

So, I sing to Megan...a lot. For those that know me, this is not surprising. We sing about getting up in the morning; we sing getting in the carseat; we sing changing the diaper; we sing taking a bath; we sing playing the notes on the piano; we sing when we're trying to nap; we sing! I bet my grandmother would be proud.

Retraining

The hardest part has been retraining myself. I've always been a procrastinator. I would wait until the last minute to do anything, and then I would throw myself into the task and finish without interruption. These days I can't do that. I no longer have hours to finish reading a book, or hours to organize my photographs, or hours to workout. It's a work in progress, but I realize if I don't retrain how I do things, then nothing will ever get done, and I will lose myself in parenting. I can already feel it happening.

Just to feel like myself, I will take drives around the neighborhoods with the windows down listening and singing along to my favorite music. I'll go down random streets just to enjoy the architecture and landscape of the beautiful houses. I know that parenting is a sacrifice, but I wonder how much of myself needs to fall by the wayside. Obviously the joys of motherhood cannot be matched. Megan, from inception to now, has made me happier than I ever could have expected. But I have moments when I wonder if I'll ever have a balance between my life and hers. Will the lines always be this blurred? Is this the sacrifice that everyone speaks of?

15 week Milestones

Megan is 15 weeks old, and I have to say that it was "easiest" when she was just a couple of weeks old. I wish I knew then to revel in those hours of sleep; to revel in those long chunks of time when I could do whatever I wanted; to revel in feeling a bit like my old self. These days, Megan is awake longer and crankier when she hasn't napped enough. The days of me having at least an hour a day to myself are few and far between. Honestly, it can drive a girl crazy. Today is a rare occurrence: I'm home while Megan is napping in her swing which means she's not napping in the car or at a restaurant...which means I can actually sit down and reflect on the last couple of months.


Megan Milestones:
Megan is now holding and reaching toys with both hands. She loves to look at her hands and clasp them together as if she is praying...so adorable. She loves taking baths and has figured out that splashing water with her feet gets quite a reaction from mom. She is practicing the basic speech patterns of 'ba,' 'ooh,' and 'ahh.' We love to have conversations with her. She loves to blow spit bubbles and make noises like a motor-boat. When she was 13 weeks, she giggled for the first time :-) We had a particularly rough day, and I like to think that giggling was her gift to me...something to say, "Hey mom, it's going to be alright. We'll get through this with little moments like these." Ever since then, we've found that kissing her neck and blowing scherberts on her belly usually result in a couple of giggles. Megan has been sleeping like a champ. Our bedtime routine consists of 5oz of milk, a swaddle, a turtle night-light, a sound machine, and a kiss goodnight. She sleeps from about 9pm-3am. We can usually count on at least 6 hours of sleep at once. Then she wakes up, we feed her again, and she sleeps for another 4 or 5 hours. It will be great when we can drop the middle of the night feeding.  It doesn't seem like it will ever happen, but I hear it does :-)

C-Section

Getting prepped for surgery

NICU team suctioning out the meconium

My uterus :-)

Trav after the surgery

Seeing Megs for first time

Getting a c-section was definitely not the plan. I could go on and on about how I wanted Megan's birth to go differently, but at the end of the day, the only thing that mattered was having a happy and healthy baby. I came to that realization at about 7pm on March 8. The decision was ours.  We could have chosen to continue laboring and hope that I would dilate, but by that point I was scared about Megan getting an infection from the meconium. 

Overall, the c-section was a scary experience. I wish I could think of a better word or feeling to describe what was swimming around in my head when they wheeled me into the operating room. I felt alone and out-of-control. I saw Megan once before they took her to "transition." I didn't see her again for another four hours. It was excruciating and probably the worst part about all of it. I don't want to belabor the issue. I'm just thankful that we both came of the surgery fine.



It's been so long...Megs is 11 weeks...

Megan has been napping for almost three hours--is it the rapture???  Finally--a chunk of time to get something productive done...like blogging :-)

Megan has changed so much in the last 11 weeks. She now is flashing us a smile regularly. I never knew a toothless, gum-filled smile could be so endearing. She's grabbing onto all sorts of things now--blankets, fingers, hair, and toy rings. Her neck muscles are strong too. When I put her on my shoulder to burp, she will just perch there...looking out the window or watching the cat. I miss the early days of her resting her head on my shoulder and falling asleep. I hope those days haven't past...

Travis has been working on her ability to stand. He's convinced she can almost do it by herself. That's cute and I don't have the heart to tell him that she's not developmentally ready for that yet :-)  Travis also has her sitting with him when he plays the piano. I'm convinced she's going to have an ear for music--she's got some pretty strong music genes running through those veins.

Breastfeeding has improved drastically! The first eight weeks were torture...literally torture. I was in so much pain and so exhausted. Imagine having cracked, bleeding, bruised, sensitive and leaking nipples. TMI??? Perhaps...but it was my truth for eight long weeks, six feedings a day...you do the math. I've never been more proud of myself than I am for sticking with it. I could have stopped so easily--it hurt, it wasn't easy, it was frustrating, but something inside of me pushed me through, and I'm so glad. Nursing is so enjoyable now. I can watch tv, drink some water, play on my iPhone, have a conversation, or just gaze down at Megs. I don't lknow how long I'll nurse for, but for right now, I'm looking towards the six month marker, but we'll see.  I'm just going to trust my gut. It's done pretty well for us thus far.

Gratitude

I am grateful for the bundle of joy that sleeps so sweetly.
I am grateful for the perseverance and prayers that got me through the woes of breastfeeding.
I am grateful for the walks outside with Meg-a-loo.
I am grateful for the flexibility of my friends.
I am grateful for the love and commitment of my husband.
I am grateful for the opportunity to be a mom.
I am grateful for the patience that I am learning to possess.
I am grateful.

Megan's Delivery

After epidural

Trav watching the contractions

Ma and I in the delivery room

Lyd and I in the delivery room



I quickly learned that our little Megan likes to do things on her own time. After all, we had a plan--begin induction process Tuesday night (3/8) and begin pitocin drip on Wednesday morning.  Megan would arrive at some point on Wednesday; however, our little pumpkin had other things in mind. Our labor/delivery journey began like this:
--Monday night I had irregular contractions starting at 9pm. I didn't know at that point that they were contractions. I've heard that they start at the top of your stomach and it gets really hard. Those were not how my contractions were at all. They felt more like cramping down in my pelvis. I didn't realize then that this was the start of my labor.
--Tuesday I called several people to see if what I was really going through was labor. I used a contraction counter to see if they were coming at regular intervals, and they were. They were about 3-5 minutes apart.
--After calling our midwife, we headed to Northside Hospital and got there around 1pm.
--Once I was in the delivery room, the contractions started coming more frequently; however, I was not dilating. I was stuck at 2cm.
--My water broke partially on its own. Barbora, our midwife, broke the second section of water manually. She could tell at this point that Megan had passed meconium in utero. They inserted a catheter to flush  the amniotic fluid. She also told us that there would be a NICU team during delivery, so that they could quickly suction out any meconium that made it into her system.
--Next, they decided to give me pitocin in hopes that it would speed up the dilation process. The pitocin caused the contractions to come even more frequently which made it hard for me to rest in between. This was the hardest part. The contractions were painful, but I was able to get through them by taking deep breaths and going to my happy spot (Jekyll Island). Once the pitocin hit, I just couldn't take how frequently they were coming, so four hours later (around 5pm) I decided to get the epidural.
--I don't remember exactly how bad it hurt...but it was bad.  I can't equate the pain to anything else; however, after that, labor was a breeze.
--7pm hit and Barbora checked my dilation-- I was only at 3cm. My contractions were strong enough but for whatever reason, Megan wasn't making her way down. Barbora said we could continue laboring if I wanted, but because of the meconium issue and because of her (and Dr. Allen's) professional opinion, I decided to have the c-section. They began prepping me for surgery at 7:20, and they wheeled me down the hall at 7:30.

41 Week Appointment

Here are the stats:
**still 1 cm dilated
**her heart-rate averages 133 beats
**she is floating around in plenty of fluid (the doc said 17, but I don't know what that refers to)
**no contractions (either ones that I can feel or ones that I can't)
**blood pressure was 110/78
**Weight--148lbs

The doctors will most likely induce on Tuesday night, and Megan should be here no later than Wednesday (3/9/11).  Travis loves those digits!
I feel great. I have a ton of energy! Travis and I are getting antsy and just want to meet her!