The Grass is Always Greener...

...on the side that you water.

Pour some sugar on me....

Back on June 1st, Megan did the cutest thing: I was feeding her and started singing the chorus to the famous Def Leppard song. All of a sudden, she stopped eating, looked at me, and flashed the biggest smile I'd ever seen. Then she went back to eating, I went back to singing, and she did the same thing again. I love that she is interacting with us more. In that moment I knew my cup runneth over!... in the name of love!!!

Just keep Singing...just keep singing...

So, I sing to Megan...a lot. For those that know me, this is not surprising. We sing about getting up in the morning; we sing getting in the carseat; we sing changing the diaper; we sing taking a bath; we sing playing the notes on the piano; we sing when we're trying to nap; we sing! I bet my grandmother would be proud.

Retraining

The hardest part has been retraining myself. I've always been a procrastinator. I would wait until the last minute to do anything, and then I would throw myself into the task and finish without interruption. These days I can't do that. I no longer have hours to finish reading a book, or hours to organize my photographs, or hours to workout. It's a work in progress, but I realize if I don't retrain how I do things, then nothing will ever get done, and I will lose myself in parenting. I can already feel it happening.

Just to feel like myself, I will take drives around the neighborhoods with the windows down listening and singing along to my favorite music. I'll go down random streets just to enjoy the architecture and landscape of the beautiful houses. I know that parenting is a sacrifice, but I wonder how much of myself needs to fall by the wayside. Obviously the joys of motherhood cannot be matched. Megan, from inception to now, has made me happier than I ever could have expected. But I have moments when I wonder if I'll ever have a balance between my life and hers. Will the lines always be this blurred? Is this the sacrifice that everyone speaks of?

15 week Milestones

Megan is 15 weeks old, and I have to say that it was "easiest" when she was just a couple of weeks old. I wish I knew then to revel in those hours of sleep; to revel in those long chunks of time when I could do whatever I wanted; to revel in feeling a bit like my old self. These days, Megan is awake longer and crankier when she hasn't napped enough. The days of me having at least an hour a day to myself are few and far between. Honestly, it can drive a girl crazy. Today is a rare occurrence: I'm home while Megan is napping in her swing which means she's not napping in the car or at a restaurant...which means I can actually sit down and reflect on the last couple of months.


Megan Milestones:
Megan is now holding and reaching toys with both hands. She loves to look at her hands and clasp them together as if she is praying...so adorable. She loves taking baths and has figured out that splashing water with her feet gets quite a reaction from mom. She is practicing the basic speech patterns of 'ba,' 'ooh,' and 'ahh.' We love to have conversations with her. She loves to blow spit bubbles and make noises like a motor-boat. When she was 13 weeks, she giggled for the first time :-) We had a particularly rough day, and I like to think that giggling was her gift to me...something to say, "Hey mom, it's going to be alright. We'll get through this with little moments like these." Ever since then, we've found that kissing her neck and blowing scherberts on her belly usually result in a couple of giggles. Megan has been sleeping like a champ. Our bedtime routine consists of 5oz of milk, a swaddle, a turtle night-light, a sound machine, and a kiss goodnight. She sleeps from about 9pm-3am. We can usually count on at least 6 hours of sleep at once. Then she wakes up, we feed her again, and she sleeps for another 4 or 5 hours. It will be great when we can drop the middle of the night feeding.  It doesn't seem like it will ever happen, but I hear it does :-)

C-Section

Getting prepped for surgery

NICU team suctioning out the meconium

My uterus :-)

Trav after the surgery

Seeing Megs for first time

Getting a c-section was definitely not the plan. I could go on and on about how I wanted Megan's birth to go differently, but at the end of the day, the only thing that mattered was having a happy and healthy baby. I came to that realization at about 7pm on March 8. The decision was ours.  We could have chosen to continue laboring and hope that I would dilate, but by that point I was scared about Megan getting an infection from the meconium. 

Overall, the c-section was a scary experience. I wish I could think of a better word or feeling to describe what was swimming around in my head when they wheeled me into the operating room. I felt alone and out-of-control. I saw Megan once before they took her to "transition." I didn't see her again for another four hours. It was excruciating and probably the worst part about all of it. I don't want to belabor the issue. I'm just thankful that we both came of the surgery fine.



It's been so long...Megs is 11 weeks...

Megan has been napping for almost three hours--is it the rapture???  Finally--a chunk of time to get something productive done...like blogging :-)

Megan has changed so much in the last 11 weeks. She now is flashing us a smile regularly. I never knew a toothless, gum-filled smile could be so endearing. She's grabbing onto all sorts of things now--blankets, fingers, hair, and toy rings. Her neck muscles are strong too. When I put her on my shoulder to burp, she will just perch there...looking out the window or watching the cat. I miss the early days of her resting her head on my shoulder and falling asleep. I hope those days haven't past...

Travis has been working on her ability to stand. He's convinced she can almost do it by herself. That's cute and I don't have the heart to tell him that she's not developmentally ready for that yet :-)  Travis also has her sitting with him when he plays the piano. I'm convinced she's going to have an ear for music--she's got some pretty strong music genes running through those veins.

Breastfeeding has improved drastically! The first eight weeks were torture...literally torture. I was in so much pain and so exhausted. Imagine having cracked, bleeding, bruised, sensitive and leaking nipples. TMI??? Perhaps...but it was my truth for eight long weeks, six feedings a day...you do the math. I've never been more proud of myself than I am for sticking with it. I could have stopped so easily--it hurt, it wasn't easy, it was frustrating, but something inside of me pushed me through, and I'm so glad. Nursing is so enjoyable now. I can watch tv, drink some water, play on my iPhone, have a conversation, or just gaze down at Megs. I don't lknow how long I'll nurse for, but for right now, I'm looking towards the six month marker, but we'll see.  I'm just going to trust my gut. It's done pretty well for us thus far.

Gratitude

I am grateful for the bundle of joy that sleeps so sweetly.
I am grateful for the perseverance and prayers that got me through the woes of breastfeeding.
I am grateful for the walks outside with Meg-a-loo.
I am grateful for the flexibility of my friends.
I am grateful for the love and commitment of my husband.
I am grateful for the opportunity to be a mom.
I am grateful for the patience that I am learning to possess.
I am grateful.

Megan's Delivery

After epidural

Trav watching the contractions

Ma and I in the delivery room

Lyd and I in the delivery room



I quickly learned that our little Megan likes to do things on her own time. After all, we had a plan--begin induction process Tuesday night (3/8) and begin pitocin drip on Wednesday morning.  Megan would arrive at some point on Wednesday; however, our little pumpkin had other things in mind. Our labor/delivery journey began like this:
--Monday night I had irregular contractions starting at 9pm. I didn't know at that point that they were contractions. I've heard that they start at the top of your stomach and it gets really hard. Those were not how my contractions were at all. They felt more like cramping down in my pelvis. I didn't realize then that this was the start of my labor.
--Tuesday I called several people to see if what I was really going through was labor. I used a contraction counter to see if they were coming at regular intervals, and they were. They were about 3-5 minutes apart.
--After calling our midwife, we headed to Northside Hospital and got there around 1pm.
--Once I was in the delivery room, the contractions started coming more frequently; however, I was not dilating. I was stuck at 2cm.
--My water broke partially on its own. Barbora, our midwife, broke the second section of water manually. She could tell at this point that Megan had passed meconium in utero. They inserted a catheter to flush  the amniotic fluid. She also told us that there would be a NICU team during delivery, so that they could quickly suction out any meconium that made it into her system.
--Next, they decided to give me pitocin in hopes that it would speed up the dilation process. The pitocin caused the contractions to come even more frequently which made it hard for me to rest in between. This was the hardest part. The contractions were painful, but I was able to get through them by taking deep breaths and going to my happy spot (Jekyll Island). Once the pitocin hit, I just couldn't take how frequently they were coming, so four hours later (around 5pm) I decided to get the epidural.
--I don't remember exactly how bad it hurt...but it was bad.  I can't equate the pain to anything else; however, after that, labor was a breeze.
--7pm hit and Barbora checked my dilation-- I was only at 3cm. My contractions were strong enough but for whatever reason, Megan wasn't making her way down. Barbora said we could continue laboring if I wanted, but because of the meconium issue and because of her (and Dr. Allen's) professional opinion, I decided to have the c-section. They began prepping me for surgery at 7:20, and they wheeled me down the hall at 7:30.

41 Week Appointment

Here are the stats:
**still 1 cm dilated
**her heart-rate averages 133 beats
**she is floating around in plenty of fluid (the doc said 17, but I don't know what that refers to)
**no contractions (either ones that I can feel or ones that I can't)
**blood pressure was 110/78
**Weight--148lbs

The doctors will most likely induce on Tuesday night, and Megan should be here no later than Wednesday (3/9/11).  Travis loves those digits!
I feel great. I have a ton of energy! Travis and I are getting antsy and just want to meet her!

Resistant to Change

So I've come to the conclusion that Megan is a chip off the old block. Like her mother, she is resistant to change. I figure this is the only explanation for why she is refusing to exit my uterus. She is happy as a lark in there and doesn't want her boat to be rocked. It's like me when I order food: I know the hamburger, the filet, or the pizza is going to be delicious, so why tempt fate and try something new. Megan is the same way: she's cozy, snug, rocked, and well-fed. Who would want to leave that constancy for the uncertainty of the outside world?

Celebrating

To me, the best part about baby showers is that everyone you love in your life is there...in that one room...celebrating the impending birth of your new little one. Travis and I are bathed in love and support from our family and friends. 

I am not one that likes being the center of attention. In fact, I feel so awkward in this role that I usually just want to hide in a corner.  Note to self: pregnancy does nothing if you want to remain inconspicuous. 

Below are some pictures of the showers that were hosted in honor of Megan.  

***My first shower was hosted by my CMS family in November. It was so special to see so many friends and old co-workers stay after school to celebrate the pregnancy. I cannot put into words how I felt.

***This was at the shower hosted by Gloria's friends on January 16th. There were so many women there who have known Travis since he was born! The hostesses went above and beyond with the flower decorations and the food --the petit fors were especially scrumptious, !

***This was at the shower hosted by my dear, close friend Heather on January 22. She created a nursery rhyme theme for the shower complete with an adorable invitation, food to match, and a bookmark party favor--very appropriate! Oh and I can't forget the games--baby food tasting and "Finish the line" nursery rhymes.  Loved it.

***This next shower was given to me by my PCMS family in February. Paula and Nancy hosted this beautiful occassion. Can you believe I actually needed to be 'talked into' going because this was the day of the basketball playoffs, and I 'needed' to be there with the cheerleaders??? Yes, I was crazy, and quickly set straight by my PCMS 'moms.'

***My final shower was a complete surprise. My wonderful 6Gold team threw it for me my last day at work on February 18th. The kids did such a great job keeping the shower a secret from me. There was no shortage of love in that science classroom!

It was a full circle moment for me to start my baby showers with one thrown by my CMS family and to end with one by my PCMS family. I am so thankful for all the people in my life.

Relief

Oh, how I needed this time to recoup and recover before Megan arrives! If you are not a teacher, then you really cannot understand just how tiring the profession is. You are constantly working from 8-4 (and for me that looks more like 7-5). There are no breaks--mental or physical. You are constantly teaching, watching, mentoring, facilitating, talking, observing, creating, molding, assessing, meeting, and did I mention talking??? 

BUT...I dare not say that this is a thankless profession. On the contrary! Every day my students come in with a plethora of stories to share with me--their dog throwing up, the new Taylor Swift cd, what happened on the bus, their new baby brother or sister. The list is endless.  The conversations and relationships I build with my students, even if it only lasts 180 days, is more important to me than the the occassional "tooting of the horn" by a parent, whose motive can sometimes be blurry.

I say all of this because during the school year (and cheerleading season), my focus has not been on the pregnancy. It has been on everything else that seemingly needs immediate attention. This past week I've had all the time in the world to prepare for my little one. I was able to spend a lot of quality time with my sister.  We organized the nursery, returned duplicate gifts, went to lunch, shopped, and were silly together. I also have gotten a lot of alone time--which, if you know me, you know how much I value time to myself. It's been a great week of relief and contentment.

The Markings

It's no secret that I've enjoyed a healthy weight gain over the last nine months. In total, I've added about 37lbs to my frame. When you think that Megan and all of that other "Megan" stuff weighs about 12lbs, then I've gained a whopping 25lbs of just...blubber. Now don't get me wrong, it's been fun eating lots of pie, ice-cream, bread, bagels, and candy. I have denied myself nothing in terms of the bliss that food can offer.

And the evidence? Well, it all lies right there on my thighs! I swear it's like looking at the Grand Canyon. I'm not entirely upset about this, but at the same time, I wonder how long it will be before I'm back to my old-self. And as I write that, do I really want to return to that?  Sure, it would be nice to have the body and freedom of that 20ish year old that started this journey, but a bigger more poignant question is why would I want to change the markings of this incredible nine months? No longer is my daily purpose work, gym, and socializing. Something greater has taken hold of me...and it rocks my very foundation.

Larger Than Normal

So far my pregnancy has gone off without a hitch or a glitch. There have been no abnormalities, no health or baby scares, and no major discomfort. It's partly because of this smooth ride that my 38 week appointment freaked me out so much. Here's what happened:

At this point in the pregnancy, I'm accustomed to the normal routine--weight taken (150lbs), blood pressure checked (117/70), and urine tested for protein. I really haven't deviated from the "norm."  At the 36 week appointment Barbora, the midwife, measured my tummy and said that it was "larger than normal," so we scheduled an appointment for a sonogram to gauge Megan's growth. The sonogram indicated that Megan was indeed growing more rapidly than other fetus's her age. For example, her head measured at 39.4 weeks, but we were only at week 37. (key note: Travis's mom also said that he had a large head at birth. Great!)
When we brought the news back to Barbora, she mentioned induction. I felt very uncomfortable, uneasy, and unsure about this path. After all, everything was going so well. I started asking myself all of these questions like would she really be that big to where I couldn't push her out? Are these measurements really that accurate? (I know they are not). Why am I already feeling the pressure to induce? Barbora's reasoning was that Megan was just going to keep growing, and if I wanted to have her vaginally, then induction was the way to ensure that end. However, I've heard that induction causes more painful contractions (but I guess that's all relative), and that inductions can increase your risk of a c-section because your body simply isn't ready. All of this uneasiness coupled with the fact that she actually took out her and the doctor's schedule to see what time frame would work best, made me wary that this delivery would be more of a matter of convenience as opposed to something natural.


After soothing talks with my sisters-in-law, friends, and co-workers, I felt strong in my decision to not allow them to induce me at 39 weeks. When the 39 week appointment rolled around, I found out that I was still only 1cm dilated--not enough to induce. The conversation was curbed, and I guess we will revisit it at the 40+ week appointment.

I still am not sure whether or not I will allow them to induce me at the next appointment. They will do a stress test on Tuesday...if she doesn't make her debut before then. I don't want any risk to come to Megan, but if she has a strong heartbeat and is still moving around and kicking, I don't see the medical need to induce. My biggest fear is that I will be talked into doing something that I am not comfortable with. I haven't had any regrets this whole pregnancy, and I don't want to start now. Stay tuned...

Advice

Since I've been pregnant I've solicited a lot of advice from friends and family, and they've been gracious enough to give it to me. By nature I am not a researcher.  I will not sit on the computer for hours looking up the best sling, stroller, or carseat to use, so I rely on those willing to share their knowledge with me. You all have offered me such comfort.  You've held my hand through this unchartered territory, and words do not express how grateful I am to all of you. Here are some of the things that I've learned along the way:
--Read The Happiest Baby on the Block and Dr. Spock's book (8th edition is the one I have).  Both of these books have put my mind at ease about how to care for Megan. I also enjoyed reading Baby Wise as it offers a great guide for feeding/sleeping schedules. I will soon see how helpful these book actually are.  
--Continue working out. I stopped when I found out I was pregnant because I was too tired and not feeling like myself.  I wish I hadn't.  Now, it's even harder to get myself back to the gym now that I'm 40lbs heavier than before.
--Don't buy any baby clothes unless something is so cute that your heart melts.  We've purchased a frog coat and an elf outfit.  They are adorable!
--Wear your baby.  I obviously haven't done this yet, but I love the idea of not relying on the use of a stroller. I also like the idea of getting a great workout.
--Breastfeed...if you can.  The more I read about it, the more confident I am that I can do it.
--Do things your own way. For example, I love white bedding for a baby. It's so pristine, and it reminds me of Brahms Lullaby. Even though some people think it's crazy, I now have beautiful, dainty white linens for Megan's crib...and I love it!

Baby-Moon!

Our room

Beautiul entrance

Buck's Coffee Shop

Megan poking out :-)

I love this one!

There's nothing like sneaking away for a couple of days and just relaxing with the one person that knows you the best.  Before Christmas Travis and I planned a little get-a-way to Highlands, North Carolina. We figured it was the last time we'd be able to head out...just the two of us.  So we snaked and meandered the two-hour drive through the Blue Ridge Mountain Range and finally made it to Old Edwards Inn. Picturesque doesn't even describe our view when we drove down Main Street--snow blanketing the ground, wreaths embellishing every window, and Christmas lights draping the trees.


The resort was beautiful--full of old European charm. The massive dark paneling adorned every corridor, nook, and cranny.  They reminded me of giant Hershey bars--food has been on my mind a lot lately :-)  There were two giant Christmas trees decorated to the nines.  I love how the hotel had a quaint feeling about it--the small rooms, the wood detailing, the roses on every table--it was all so beautiful and serene.

When we arrived at our suite, we were not disappointed. It was a grand room that continued the feeling of the rest of the hotel.  We honestly didn't leave it very often--only to venture out to eat at Buck's, Madison's, or Paoletti's. My favorite part about the room was the bathroom.  You can't beat heated tiles and a huge jetted tub.  We watched a couple of movies, but mostly we spent time together and relaxed--soaking in the scenery. 

The next trip we take alone will definitely have a different feeling.  We'll probably be calling one of our moms every other hour to make sure Megan is doing OK.  Hopefully, these kinds of trips won't be too far and in-between. It was so important for Travis and me to reconnect and have some quiet time before the craziness begins!

Aches and Pains

I am...in a word...uncomfortable. Everything about me at this stage (33 weeks)just seems awkward. Here are just a few of my pangs…

Bending over to pick things up off the floor is more trouble than it’s worth these days…so lots of things just stay on the floor. Putting on shoes is more and more difficult as time passes.  I am making an attempt to go back to the gym and tying the laces on my shoes is the most annoying part of the whole process.  My back is a constant irritation. I haven’t slept through the night in weeks mostly because I have to readjust my position several times a night.  I have found what works best for me is to sleep with a dozen blankets around me so that I am fully supported. I also hate to sneeze now. It just plain-old hurts.  The blood vessels in my nose appear to be collapsing because I have weird nose bleeds now. I haven’t had anymore leg cramps, but I’m also afraid to point my toes because, if I do, I feel like they’ll start cramping again…weird. I’m getting some new freckles—even though I’m not in the sun.  Oh, and I can’t forget the beautiful spider veins that are creeping all around my thighs and belly.

But honestly from the bottom of my heart, being pregnant is still the best experience I’ve ever had.  I get a little weepy thinking about it. Megan has been growing in me for so long that it will be strange not to feel her rumble and tumble inside of me anymore.

32 Week Check-up

On January 3rd we went to another doctor appointment. We had the chance to meet Barbora, the midwife. She spent a lot of time with us, more than the doctors did, and I think because of that, I felt very comfortable with her. The weigh-in was a bit tough to swallow this time around.  I've gained 10lbs since my 28 week check up.  Barbora said I shouldn't be concerned--"After all, it's the holidays," she said. I like her already :-)  We would really like for her to deliver Megan, but she is only available during the week, so I've been talking to Megan and telling her that she needs to come on a week-day.  We'll see if that works :-) My blood pressure was low again, but in the normal range. Megan's heart-rate was 135 beats per minute.  So far so good!